So, how do I recognize a narcissist on a first date?

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Key Takeaways

Thanks to these signs, you can quickly spot a narcissist:

• Narcissists tend to be control freaks and hate it when things don't go their way
• They flatter and manipulate their counterparts with charm and sweet talk
• They treat people, who they consider to be "service providers" at that moment, in a derogatory and condescending manner
• They love to talk about themselves; they won't talk about anything else and are skillful monologue speakers
• They long for attention and get angry when they don't get it
• Criticism is one of their mottos and they always portray themselves as victims 

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You've met someone online or happened to strike up a conversation in a bar and before long, you're on your first date. So far, so good - the getting to know you phase is, after all, perfect for learning more about each other and finding out if they might be the real gem you’ve been looking for. But some few days ago your friend told you about her date with a narcissist.

"He opened the door for me, meticulously planned the evening, picked up the tab, and then took me home."

At first glance, this looks like a real master stroke in the dating game, doesn't it? 

Maybe you stop paying attention afterwards, because she certainly talked about the things that seemed strange to her on the date. Showing a complete lack of interest in her, even though he was the perfect gentleman, this grandeur that turns into arrogance and yet, in a way, affection. Sounds paradoxical? No, it sounds more like a narcissist.

A short detour into the mythology and legend of Narcissus

The myth of Narcissus goes back to ancient Greece, where it first originated. Son of the river god Cephisos and the nymph Liriope, Narcissus was a handsome man as a youth, desired by all. However, he rejected both every man and woman because they did not meet his expectations. One day, the young handsome man lost his way in a forest and recognized his own reflection in a river, with whom he instantly fell in love. Ironically, he was so thrilled by his own appearance that he complained to heaven about his new love and eventually died on the spot. However, no corpse was found, but a beautiful flower that we now know as the narcissus.

The forefather of narcissists is not only the origin of the narcissus, but also defines the self-centeredness that these people exhibit. For them, there is nothing better than themselves and this is exactly the point that you have to pay attention to when getting to know them. A narcissist can be the purest charmer and make you feel like you are something special. However, this is never without having a plan in mind, which in the end is all about him and his needs.

To avoid such a fright, we have gathered in this article some points that will help you recognize a narcissist during your first date.

• He planned the date from A to Z
• His charm takes over the whole room
• He treats others like second class people
• Monologues, self-portrayals - extremely skillful
• He wants attention
• His favorite language: criticism
• Your insecurity becomes his playground

Ready to get to the bottom of a narcissist's mind on a first date?

He planned the date from A to Z.

At first, you'll probably be pleased that your dating partner has put so much thought in planning the date. The table has been reserved, he's picking you up from home, and he might even bring along a little something special. At this point, you might be wondering what's so bad about these points and why could they be signs of a narcissist. Well, it's quite simple, because these people are absolute control freaks and hate it when something doesn't go according to plan.

So, it's quite possible that all these nice gestures are just a way of taking control of the situation. Sometimes he might even tell you exactly what to order. Narcissists are true strategists who know exactly how to get everything they want.

His charm takes over the whole room

He flirts with you, compliments you and gives you sweet looks. He knows exactly how to talk to you to make you feel good and fall into his trap. However, what makes you feel special at that moment is only part of his perfidious plan. He wants you to fall in love with him and manipulates you with his charm and sweet talk. It's likely that he's already prepared this conversation in advance and knows how to get you wrapped up.

He treats others like second-class people

While the narcissist plays all the seduction games with you on the first date, he acts like a real jerk with others. He looks down on the waiters and doesn't give the receptionist a second glance. For him, these people are only there to serve him at that moment and are far below his own level.

So, don't just pay attention to how he behaves towards you. Narcissists downgrade everything and everyone around them when they see no advantage in being nice. So, in addition to narcissistic behavior, such people also exhibit opportunistic traits, as they are only looking to take advantage.

You basically recognize the true character of a person by how he deals with people who are "service providers" at that moment.

Monologues, self- portrayals - extremely skillful.

If the narcissist is not busy kissing your ass or degrading the staff, his favorite topic of conversation is himself. In school, we learn that "I-messages" are particularly important for communication. But narcissists are short sighted and know no other topics.

But beware: because these people are extremely adept at steering the conversation towards themselves. Yet he appears eloquent, clever and looks like someone who radiates pure self-confidence. It's just a shame that instead of getting to know you, he prefers to sing praises about himself.

He wants attention

And not just a little! Beware if you devote yourself entirely to your narcissistic date. Whether it's a stray glance, a nice gossip with the waitress, or a moment when you want to talk about yourself. A narcissist sees all of this as disturbing and will try to nip these points in the bud.

You can tell that you are dealing with a narcissist as soon as you are assigned a table. These people are simply never satisfied with a table on the sidelines of the restaurant and always want to be the center of attention. Ideally, a table where you seem to be on display and where everyone can see you. Because that's what a narcissist wants: for all eyes to be on him.

His favorite language: Criticism

It doesn't matter who or what - a narcissist criticizes everything but himself. Misunderstanding friends who only take advantage of him, the boss who is a real recruiting screw-up in his position and even the interior of the restaurant are the target of his criticism. Narcissists always present themselves as victims and feel the need to be better than others.

Does your date always find a reason to denigrate and criticize others? In this case, you should probably get out of the way, because in the worst-case scenario, you'll find yourself in the narcissist's crosshairs.

Your insecurity becomes his playground

Women with insecurity problems are easy prey for narcissists. Narcissists systematically analyze the person they are talking to and push you to talk about your fears, desires and dreams. While a narcissist adulates himself and puts himself on a pedestal, he never reveals his weaknesses to you.

His goal is to identify your weaknesses and insecurities and then use them strategically against you. While you talk about how you have been an outcast for years, he makes a plan to use that statement against you. Your pain is the material from which he builds his ego and feeds on it.

Summary:

What began as an ancient myth is still pervasive today and common today. There are many narcissistic people out there and many more who fall for their hypocrisy. However, with our warning signs of dating a narcissist, you should be armed to expose them quickly.

To protect yourself and avoid becoming a victim of a self-centered individual, you need to get out of the way quickly. Therefore, always carefully observe how your date treats others and whether this person considers himself to be God's gift to mankind.

Further Readings

The 30 best questions to ask on a first date

First date: The right way to go about it